Just for today, I will not anger …Or maybe I’ll just lose my shit.
[Originally posted September 4, 2013 on my old site The Spirituality Seeker (now owned by someone else after I let the domain go).]
Yesterday I had a massive problem. I broke down, there was screaming, throwing things, banging on the computer desk. I lost my shit and went through all five stages of grief. I soooo was not living the Reiki Principle just for today I will not anger.
I was oozing anger, annoyance, hate. I could feel it, and I was ashamed. What is it that caused such a reaction to wreck my being and inner calm? The internet was dead. Our internet modem finally went out after giving us service for 6 or 7 years. Apparently Mr. Internet Modem was a senior citizen when it comes to internet modems, the guy at the at&t store said they are only supposed to last for 3 years without problems. Before going to the store it took me an hour of pulling all the tricks I knew to get things working before I called the customer service people to check the lines and that’s when I learned it was the modem….deep breath…just for today I will not anger.
Upon learning it was the modem I stopped what I was doing, went to my room, and moped. Yes, moped. After laying in bed for about 5 minutes I was like “what am I doing?! I need to calm the hell down” and I began to Reiki myself. I called in my peoples, drew my signs and did a quick session. In 10 minutes I was calm enough to shake the ickies off and get going to the at&t store. Once I got home, I set up the new modem, turned on the computer, and…flipped out again. Breathe Sierra…just for today I will not anger.
The internet was still dead. More crying, more throwing, more hitting the desk. Another call to customer service and a cellphone internet search later and I figured out what needed to be done. By then it was time for dinner so I stopped messing with it to calm down and eat dinner. After eating I started up again and again more crying. This time the internet was working, but I couldn’t get the router to play nice with the modem. I was devastated and went back to my room to mope/Reiki. I again had my cool and began trying again. Not too long after starting up this time I realized what I needed to do, I did it and the internet was ALIVE. I was so excited, beyond excited, I was ecstatic. I went to my room and did a victory Reiki session.
During the whole ordeal all I could think of was how I was failing miserably at the first Reiki principle: Just for today I will not anger. I had to remind myself that I didn’t fail, I just needed to hit reset the next day. Reiki is forgiving and loving, Reiki doesn’t hate me for spazing out. The reason I freaked out like I did wasn’t simply because the internet went out, no, I’m not that kind of person…anymore. My problem was because I needed the internet to work and I really had to get to work. Another thought that ran through my head during the day was maybe I just needed to let loose, release some things. Maybe this is what Reiki wants me to do. When I thought of it like that I didn’t feel so bad. I had been holding on to some issues that I think the complete emotional release helped me let go of. Even after the problem was fixed, the emotional release continued throughout the night as I worked. This morning when I woke up I felt infinitely better compared to even before the freak out. I am well rested, completely calm, and feel more alive with my brain firing so many ideas at me. I am thankful for the freak out. It was much-needed and I wonder if the universe used the internet to trigger such a reaction.
Since learning Reiki I can normally stay collected and not have a giant break down. I hadn’t had a massive problem since before learning Reiki and it gave me a bit of perspective on how I react to things now compared to how I use to react. I know in my past I would have frequent break downs like I had experienced with the internet problem. For example I’d get a bad schedule at work (when I worked retail) and I’d lose my mind in the car on the drive home, or I’d complain to my mom about it. I remember a little fight I had with my sister about unloading the dishwasher when we were younger, I threw a piece of Tupperware at her head and she had a massive bruise and knot on her forehead for a while. I felt really bad about that. I knew she didn’t deserve what I did, but I was so upset at the time that I couldn’t help myself. She got even at the time though by ruining my favorite shirt with dishwasher soap. I know that as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at keeping things in check. I’ve gotten better at not beating myself up mentally if I “fail” at something. Reiki has helped me learn to just step back, take a breath and let things go. Now if only I had remembered that yesterday!…just for today I will not anger!